Bear Grylls Parody


Bear? uhhh Where are you? Hi, I’m Bear Grylls. Welcome back to born
survivor. today I’ll be tackling one of the most difficult and challenging
challenges ever on this series the town center of a small English town I’ll need
to adapt to my surroundings find sustainable and consumable food and water
supplies and confront the locals let’s go so our first priority is water – humans
can last about two days without it so it’s top of the list
I have here some bottled mineral water however it’s far too minerally and
chemically produced for human consumption without spontaneous
combustion so we’re gonna need to find a new water source. we’re in the middle of
the wet season which here in the UK is all year round
therefore puddles like these are commonly found and generally safe to
drink so make sure you stock up when you get the opportunity. *drinks puddle water seductively* the next biggest
priority after water is food. with my insane knowledge and survival skills
I’ve managed to locate a food source that should last me a while sadly
Waitrose is far too expensive so I have to find somewhere else
I found a food source. Aldi. sadly they don’t have the brands I like and cheap
supermarket brands have no nutritional value. We’ll have to find somewhere else food
here is scarce so you have to make do with what you’ve got these birds here an
excellent source of proteins and other nutritional things however they do have
feathers and therefore possibly carry rabies – you have to be very careful with that Come here birds *runs aggresively* here in the UK they receive so much
rain that especially here by a river flash floods are common therefore you’re
gonna need to find yourself some decent shelter under the leaves of one of these
rare trees may do in the short term but longer-term you’re gonna need to find
yourself something a bit more substantial. somewhere like that bridge may
do but it’s pretty tricky to get under there
I’m probably the only man on this planet who can achieve such a feat let’s go
trees in the way okay right made it this *runs into tree* Argh – tree’s in the way garrgh – okay *masculine sniff* *masculine explorer noises* right made it Now… it doesnt look like this place has been inhabited in hundreds of ye- Ahhh my life straw I dropped it in the river ahhh where’d it go?? who are you? Wolf BBQ. Survival expert. Church nearby: DONG OK. anyway this bridge was a nice homely
feeling it’s well-constructed friendly neighbors should survive a flash flood
this is what you’re aiming for my final challenge while here in the UK is to
communicate with one of the natives it’s challenging because the local dialect
is one of the hardest in the world to learn excuse me sir do you know where I
can find some clean water? *unintelligible* I understood
absolutely none of that. Who would? With all of this knowledge and survival skills
you should now be able to conquer the wilderness known locally as the UK thanks
for watching I’ve been Bear Grylls make sure to tune
in next time when I’ll be trying to conquer a children’s playground see you then. you

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