GIVE HIM BACK | River City Girls | Ep. 1


Ohh, fuck yeah. It’s a new game guys! This is some loud shit. Okay. I’m playing River City Girls. And, I’ve actually been wanting to play this game for a while, since it came out actually. But, just haven’t. And now I’m gonna. Um, we’re gonna play by myself cuz I have no friends to play with me. Um, I’m gonna go with Kyoko here because she seems to fit my aesthetic a bit more. This game better blow my fuckin’ mind. It looks like it’s gonna. Oh. “Defeat the other students to break the screenlock.” Alright, let me figure out.. Alright. You guys are gonna learn very quickly that I am actually bad at video games. There we go. See? Piece of cake. I’m already a pro. Oh, okay. Oh, I didn’t.. Sorry, I don’t wanna like, talk over the dialogue and the cutscenes because this is my first time experiencing the game too, so.. Uhhhhhhhhhh, I’d rather not. Oh? Just, grapple hooked that girl. Takin’ ’em out with the trash. This game reminds me a lot about the Scott Pilgrim game already. Which, um, doesn’t exist anymore by the way. Ow. So.. This will replace its memory. Do a flip kick. Come here. Oh. you walked right into my trap. Sorry, was there a block that I missed? No? Okay. Oh! There we go! That’s what happens when we press buttons. I’d like to think that if my partner was actually stolen in real life I would go out of my way to fight the world for him. Uh oh, collectibles. Here we go guys. Gonna have to get them all now. Every time I play a new game, I get really nervous that the audio is like, way too loud. [SAD CLOWN MUSIC] I can’t do anything about it until I edit it so… Uhh, R.I.P in case? Ow, fuck. Fuck yeah! Curb stomp ’em. Bitch. Money, money, money. Mami? You know, I’ll just end the game early. Oh, guess I can’t. Too easy. Game bad. Ah! Help! Wish I could do a double flip. That’d be sick. I’ll just.. I’ll just do this. Ah ma- [In a video] Timmy: “Puberty? I don’t know what that is.” Teacher: “That’s cause you’re ignorant Timmy.” HOT POP: Oh fuck! Teacher: “Puberty stand for: Punching, Until, Bricks Explode, Right, Towards, You.” HOT POP: Pfft. Timmy: “Wow!”
Teacher: “Now do you understand?” Timmy: “Not at all!”
Teacher: “Okay, let’s see if we can find someone to help pound the knowledge into your tiny brain.” Timmy: “Golly gee. Is that..? Abobo: “Abobo! Glad to meet ya Timmy!” Timmy: “You’re so huge!” HOT POP: I’m so uncomfortable. Please stop. Abobo: “- you could get as big as me! Give it a try?” You can recruit the enemy? Well! You.. You should of told me that a millisecond before my foot went into the air. No help to me now. God! I can wall jump? Fuck yeah. Ow. Fuck you. Give me my boyfriend back you bitch. Oops. Oh, fuck. What’d I do? Ohp, okay. These guys have that anime haircut where they mean serious business. Come at me. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Ohp. Oh! Oh more! Why? Ow, fuck. Oh my God, ow. Whoops. Jesus Christ. Oh look! Thank you. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you and your bad haircut. Oh, I have $95. That’s actually a lot. Oh! Ow, right in the fucking dome dude. Just gotta throw them.. that pocket sand. Who’s she? Oh! Don’t run at me like that man. The fuck? Fuck. Bad strat. Pffft. Oh fuck! No! This is murder! That’s assault with a deadly weapon, sir. Come at me. Fuck yeah. Fuck you. Get up. Maybe we should recruit one next time, see what happens. Chili? Uh oh, is it the front desk lady? Cuz we had a front desk lady. Oh. Super senior! Misuzu: “Get over here!” Oh fuck. Oh no! Wait, I don’t want to. Ummm, ow. Uh oh, now it’s Dark Souls. Fuck! Fight someone your own size, okay? Fuck. Well! Well! Oh, now have uh.. Now I can’t do a no death montage. Gotta rename my video now. Alright! That was just uh, mistake okay? Misuzu: “Get over here!” Well. Prepare to see this a lot. Guys, I’ll reiterate okay? I never said that I was good at playing video games. Misuzu: “Hold still so I can smash you!” Oh no, super saiyan. Ah! Help! Fuck yeah, baby! K.O! Misuzu: “You’re embarrassing me!” Her voice sounds very familiar to me. Wonder why that is. I wish I was just like, a little bit faster. I’m assuming that will come along later? The fuck is that? A zombie? “Donkey Kick?” Oh fuck. I wanna use that. Wanna be my first victim? Fuck. Hold on. Damn it! Damn it all! I got moneys. Ah, I want to do the donkey kick. Fuck. I’m not gonna be able to do the donkey kick, guys. Damn it. What the fuck is that thing? Oh my God, are we in Tekken? Help me. No! No! Noo! Yeah, that guy is pretty creepy. A Merv Burger? A Merv Burger. Hmmm, game would probably be easier if I had someone to uh, play with. Excuse me, is this the Game Grumps? Oh, here we go. Um. Oops. Wait. Okay. I fucked up. We can’t be friends. I got a yo-yo. Don’t fuck with me. Wow. OP! Shopkeeper: “Whatcha need?” Uhh, potato snaps, duh. Shopkeeper: “Drop by anytime!” I probably should. You know what? I should. Shopkeeper: “Hey there! Buy something.” Oh, why does it not tell me? Shopkeeper: “Nice one! Drop by anytime!” Bacon rod? Alright, get out of the way of these trees. I got content I gotta give out. Ow! I thought you were dead! There we go. I did it. Now we’re buddies. Friends ’til the end. Oh, there we go. Shopkeeper: “Huh, more customers?” The Merv… Oh my god $21? Holy fuck! Shopkeeper: “I look fabulous!” Okay, didn’t ask. Alright, now we just gotta go back. Hopefully that’s the one that he wanted. And he didn’t want the McDouble. Bye! Try me, bitch! Fuckin’ come at me. Alright. Hey, you! Uh oh. Did I not get the right one? Dude, I have your $21 hamburger. Please. Aww! The double one, god fucking.. God fucking damn it, dude. You weren’t specific! You gotta be specific man, once we leave the drive-thru we can’t go back. Shopkeeper: “Huh, more customers” Shopkeeper: “Okay, that’s all you’re going to buy?” I got the Merv Burger. I’m ready to Merv. Alright, I got your fuckin’ Whopper Jr. This guy’s face. He’s at the mall? I don’t want to go to the mall. Fuck that place. Hmmm. Is this the mall? But did you die? The mall is not open because the mall went out of business. Where? It’s okay, I got a back up. I got a back up when this breaks. There we go. Shut up. Big baby. Am I missing something? Oh, it’s here. Let me in! Oops! Well, that was fast. Okay, well. Try that one more time. Ah. Ah! Bro, you’re awake now. Go to work. Yes, sir? Get the fuck up. Oh, I get it. Um, I’m gonna not- Oh wait! No.. Oh. I thought this was like, his bathroom or something. Kay, but how would Yamada be in here if it was close, my dude? Shopkeeper: “Uh, can I help you?” Yes! Shopkeeper: “Thank you for shopping!” ♪ We’re gonna fight you ♪ ♪ With all our might to ♪ ♪ Get back our boyfriends ♪ ♪ We love them so ♪

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