Thousands of years in the past, Fallen Leaves hits cat puberty and is sent into the tunnels to die. “If you escape from Rock’s death trial, you get to live!” says his mother. This is normal, morally acceptable behavior. In modern times, three out of three of the Three get to go to the gathering. This includes the angry one. Lionpaw frets over Heatherpaw for the entire duration and then falls asleep as soon as she’s gone. Leopardstar announces that there’s totally nothing wrong with Riverclan and you should stop worrying. Seriously, really overreacting about this problem you think Riverclan doesn’t have! Then Heatherpaw tells Lionpaw that she has this great idea where they disregard all of the rules. Immediately, Hollypaw catches on that he’s doing something bad through some sort of otherworldly gift of rule breaking detection. Meanwhile, Cinderpaw-two leeches memories from the original to become a more powerful warrior. Hollypaw and Cinderpaw follow Lionpaw out of camp. They catch him flirting with the enemy and blackmail him into stopping. “He’ll get over it!” says Cinder-clone watching Lionpaw run away crying. At the medicine puddle, Jaypaw just kinda watches Willowpaw’s dream instead of having his own. He was probably just going to be scolded by Yellowfang again anyways. Leafpool gets mad at him because, by spying and finding everything out, it makes it harder to stretch these books to be 330 pages. They tell Firestar about Jaypaw’s stolen dream, but he disregards it completely. So Jaypaw comes out of the computer room for once, and comes across a stick. Yes, that stick…the stick. Leafpool doesn’t care. This makes Jaypaw care more. Meanwhile, we learn that Hollypaw is actually extremely xenophobic. “The warrior code says we hate people who can run!” says Hollypaw. Then Lionpaw nearly kills her. They break it up and, having not learned anything the last series, Brambleclaw compares his son favorably to Tigerstar. Later that night, Heathertail breaks into Thunderclan and drops rocks on the apprentice den from the top of the cliffside. Just for context, there are eight apprentices sleeping there. Somehow, Lionpaw is the only one who notices. He literally climbs up the steep quarry wall while Whitewing stares into space at the entrance. Heatherpaw takes him to a hole. “We live here now,” says Heatherpaw. “I like it!” responds Lionpaw. Later, Cinderpelt briefly possesses Cinderpaw to tell everyone that badgers are scary. Thanks Cinderpelt. Firestar tries to give Millie a warrior name, but she refuses, choosing instead to call her self “Stinky kittypet” until she dies. This makes Hollypaw very, very angry. She couldn’t be angry too long though, because Brackenfur immediately throws her into the woods to fight with wild animals. This also ends too quickly when they need to call the firemen to get Mousepaw out of a tree. Unfortunately, the truck hits Cinderpaw. It’s back to the medicine den with you, evil ghost of Cinderpelt! Jaypaw can feel Leafpool being upset about this, so he invades Cinderpaw’s personal space to find out what’s up. Cinderpelt’s ghost brags about possessing an innocent apprentice, and shows Jaypaw around Thunderclan’s old camp. Later that night, or maybe three months later because they’re being very big about the passage of time here, Lionpaw gets recruited into evil while roleplaying with Heatherpaw. Then he goes without sleeping for several days to cover his tracks . Windclan and Thunderclan have a large political dispute about who can legally eat squirrels. Firestar doesn’t think this is a big deal because…it isn’t…it’s just squirrels :/ This escalates until, at the gathering, all of Thunderclan is calling Windclan, “sorry squirrel swiping sons of Satan.” Meanwhile, all of Riverclan is there, just everybody. As it turns out, they haven’t come, they’ve just started living on the island, making Hawkfrost’s evil ghost extremely happy. Even though she’s been blackmailing Lionpaw to stop seeing his girlfriend, Hollypaw sees no problem in meeting up with hers in secret. Jaypaw and Lionpaw save the stick from drowning. The stick thanks Jaypaw in the voices of a thousand children. He thinks nothing of this. Then Lionpaw spends a few days being angry that nobody is feeling sorry for him. Also, Berrypaw beats him up. He’s still been roleplaying with Heatherpaw in a hole until 4:00 a.m every night, but it’s clearly Ashfur’s fault that he sucks at everything, so Ashfur has him bounce around alone, so his ghost relatives come up from Hell and teach him how to improve, via dark magic. He casts a curse on Berrypaw and gets his revenge. Later, fueled by self-importance and hypocrisy, Hollypaw goes to Riverclan to talk with her girlfriend as she planned. More importantly, we learn that otters live at the lake. …Why do we never talk about the otters, Erin? Hollypaw learns that Riverclan has been driven out of their camp by somebody’s horrible preteen armed only with small rocks. We get another strangely detailed description about Minnowpaw specifically… …What is your relevance Minnowpaw? I swear you don’t matter. Some sort of real, otherworldly beauty, that Minnowpaw. Before she can get home, Hollypaw is locked in Riverclan’s dungeon for spying. Of course, everyone assumes that Windclan has her. They do eat squirrels now after all, and this is just one step above that. Leafpool tries to knock out Jaypaw to make him visit Hollypaw’s dreams, but he skillfully dodges, because doing something helpful is against his personal conduct. He takes off to touch the stick instead of helping his sister. The stick shows him a vision of Fallen Leaves drowning horribly. He also drowns horribly, just so he knows how it feels. That night, Lionpaw is back in the hole. The hole where people drowned. He asks Heatherpaw if they stole Hollypaw, but do you really trust her? I sure don’t. He teaches her how to cast a dark spell, so the evil ghost of Hawkfrost lies to him about what castle Hollypaw is locked in. The second he gets back, Windclan attacks. It’s over some dumb squirrel drama. Despite future revelations, Lionpaw gets his ear ripped open in this fight. That and the fact that Berrypaw beat him up earlier. Just keep that in mind. Barely a few hours later, and he’s already back in the hole. But this time, he breaks up with Heatherpaw. “Our OCs should see other people,” says Lionpaw. Heatherpaw rips up her ship art in anger. Despite the fact that we have lots of set up for them accusing Windclan, Squirrelflight comes to pick up her daughter from prison camp. Hollypaw gets back and tells nobody anything, just making everyone more annoyed with her. Then they send Jaypaw on a diplomacy mission to Windclan. He yells at them. This scares away all of the kids in the camp. Without the charming morality brought to them by the kittens, Windclan aims their horrible death laser at Riverclan territory. Suddenly, the book becomes one of those nightmares I have where I have 15 kittens and they’re all in the middle of the highway, and every time I save two of them, one of them gets out. Anyways, the real kittens are in the hole. Lionpaw leads his siblings into the roleplay tunnels and they meet Heatherpaw, who seemingly brought Breezepaw just to piss everyone off. They sit around in the hole and fight for a while until Fallen Leaves’ ghost of unknown alignment appears to lead them. As soon as they find the kittens, the tunnels start to flood …just like in my nightmares… Fallen Leaves freaks out and starts to evaporate. Jaypaw tries to invite him to die with them for some reason. Rock appears as they drown, having scratched “swim, idiots” on his stick. “Oh, we should swim,” says Jaypaw. So they swim to ThunderClan, and then they all lie wildly about where they found the kits so that the tunnels can be used as a plot device for eight more books. Then Lionpaw goes and says goodbye to his roleplay hole, causing Tigerstar and Hawkfrost to come out and congratulate him and not having any friends.