Raising My Baby Gender Neutral: Max & River|My Genderation

I’m preparing for a new life called
River, and I’m 32 weeks pregnant. We’re pushing on a good size now, an
inch a week. I’m going for a c-section. Natural birth, if that’s for
everyone that’s great but I think for me that had too much anxiety. It does change your body and obviously for those that have like huge body dysphoria curves come along with that a little bit of weight. I have asked a couple of doctors how
long to wait after having birth can I go back onto hormones, but they are
still a bit unsure themselves. The person I chose was very formal, usually I
literally refer to them as the sperm donor because to me they literally just
donated the sperm. This person really understands there are people who can’t get sperm so I think it’s really good that they put that across. So today was the day you were supposed to come and film me packing my bag ready for the hospital tomorrow but somebody decided to come two days
earlier… Taking River out was a bit of a mission. They didn’t want to come out, they had marks all over their head and didn’t like their head being touched They wanted to come out at 2 a.m. in the
morning before, and we would agree not to. Do you want to say hello to daddy? Look, say hello to daddy! So yeah, this is River Noir Davies. I’m getting a good routine for the
milk already, aren’t we? And then they pass out to me what they’re doing now, and pooing. Burp. And farting. Fart. Poop. Eat Sleep. But it’s so if such an extreme going to feeling something inside you to now having this physical thing. Are you lonely? Yeah, a bit like that though. Which is really weird, cause the thing that you’re
thinking about is literally there. They are all used to saying ‘miss’, ‘her’, you know that
everyone’s coming in as mothers and things like that… Everyone I looked at my papers would have no to be semi-respect my choice in pronouns. Not had a single problem, everyone was absolutely lovely. I don’t know if you’ve got seen an article about they-bies, and how people raising their children gender-neutral which I think is really good. Heard of people prefer stereotypical he/she until they’ve grown up to be able to communicate… But I think we should be able to communicate all the
different variations while they’re growing up. I know you’re cold, aren’t you? Look at you now, you’re whimpering… As you can see I’m bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding, because I’ve had top surgery. Which personally I think is great. River came out at the same time when I came out of hospital theater then and it was exactly two years ago yesterday. So the same time, like 11:30. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything by not
breastfeeding. My dysphoria with my top it has always been the biggest problem for me so it was something that I didn’t really want to do anyway. We’re kind of bonding over these bottles. We’re getting down now, aren’t we? River is now two and a half months. So I wanted to have a wardrobe for River that was: anything goes. So I didn’t want to be like: “Oh, because I’m raising them gender-neutral they’re
not allowed pink or blue.” So I’ve got pink, blue, colours, whites and blacks… But then I find if I dress them in pink and we go out everyone automatically just
says ‘she’. Any other colour generally the first impression people get is that River as a boy and they use male pronouns. Which was quite interesting to
find actually. Over the last two and a half months we knew we just been getting to know each other and finding out what River likes, what they don’t like. Somebody wrote on Facebook that
people might start thinking because I’m trans I’m assuming River is going to be trans and that’s why I’m instilling
these gender-neutral pronouns. To me it’s more that if I don’t assign them a gender
people won’t specifically treat them in a certain way based on their perceptions of that gender. You know, you buy cute pink fluffy things for girls and you buy masculine toys trucks and cars for boys… And that’s how they do it, they instill this
‘fluffy-soft-cute-tender-girl’, in a sense and this ‘hard-man-up-you-are-not-allowed-to-cry-boy’. And that’s what I didn’t want. I’ve had a few people when I say ‘they’, they asked me if I’ve got twins. They were like: “Do you have another one in there?” And I’m like: “This pram is definitely
big enough for the one”. The meaning of raising a gender-neutral child is
just given the ability to have the freedom to choose themselves without any
constructed ideas of what their gender will be assigned onto them.
I find that some people find it difficult to understand, but then won’t
proceed to be educated further. Some people are trying and are willing to try
and they think it’s great and I can see kind of somewhat it opens them up to
this idea of: “Actually that’s quite good.” “I have never really thought about that before.” I’m optimistic about the future. But now is where the change is. If no one’s making a change then River won’t have a future that is different to the one I’m currently living in. With trans being in the media
and transgender and non-binary and gender-fluid all coming in as well, in a two
years time it can be a completely different story and hopefully I think
it’s going to be a completely different world for River, and an easier world. I hope for the future you are living in a freer world where you’re not discriminated
against because of your expression and I hope that you’re wild and smart and funny, because we need to good laugh.

22 thoughts on “Raising My Baby Gender Neutral: Max & River|My Genderation

  1. We hope you love this documentary film about Max & River. We filmed with them for 6 months to make this. We (the creators of this film) are trans people making trans content for a much wider audience. Please support by subscribing, sharing and liking!! ❤️❤️

  2. Thank you so much <3 I love your films and videos but this one especially hits home for me. I've always wanted to be pregnant, but as a trans guy, I find it an extremely difficult topic to talk about. There's such a huge lack of representation of pregnant/birthing people who aren't women that it makes any very important to me.
    Also, knowing that some people are raising their children gender-neutral makes me so happy 🙂
    Wish the best to both of them <3

  3. Let the kid decide if they wanna grow up to be a hairy stubble face fella or a beautiful woman

  4. This is beautiful ! I was looking forward to this ever since I heard about it ! Love it ?

  5. Max touched on it at the beginning but didn't mention it again, I was on T before coming off to conceive my now 21 month old. I only waited 4 weeks post birth to go back on T 🙂

  6. What an inspiring cute documentary
    Well done to everyone involved
    River is adorable too :3

  7. This is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your story Max and River. I wish you all the best for the future.

  8. Wow! You can see it in your face that you absolutely adore them!! This is a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing. I now have a new way of thinking.

  9. I really hope you start captioning your films to make them accessible. Youtube auto-captions are not sufficient.

  10. Great way to warp a kid's sexuality early on. Good job, you weird bitch..

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